In Hvar no Marrr

hey friends,
so after 5 days in Hvar, we're beginning to rival Toni Kucoc for level of Croat. Our little hostel, complete with our British girls and Swedish boys and a few Aussies thrown in for good measure, was more than we ever could have expected. The owner, Luca, was amazing, his silent helper Tika was creepy in a good way, and the cheap wine flowed like.....wine.
During the day we hit up the pebble-rock beach (Croats appear impervious to the pains of lying on jagged rocks for hours) with people we drunkenly met the night before (including Molly's latest British obsession). We snack throughout the day on bread and water, sometimes a rotten banana if we're lucky. At night we head down to the city center for our only meal of the day, then get ready to preparty with our hostel family. Sean took the liberty to teach the innocent Swedes every disgusting Americanism he could imagine. We then hit up the club, Carpe Diem, where we've gotten into the habit of distributing challenges to each other. Mickey and Sean attempted to impersonate a deaf man and his interpreter to charm Irish girls (who happened to be staying at our hostel and heard the whole plan and also actually knew sign language). After having their bluff called, they succeeded in tricking a few dumb Aussies.
We move up to the other club in the fortress and dance like idiots until the sun comes up. A few highlights not in the normal routine include: pioneering our own boat around the islands, secret trips to secret coves, grandma smiles across the world, Mickey taking creepy videos of naked men playing with themselves, Molly's sea urchin attack, overtaking a prime landing spot in the club from a local croad, Sean being hit on by a Norwegian man, Molly having a band named after her, goodbye dinners, riding the bus with fainting girls, and taking too many pictures of local cats.
All in all, we're feeling the loss of Hveaven pretty deep. We really miss the people and sights, plus the croads in Dubrovnik are shifty. From here, we're making some pretty radical traveling plans...mostly none at all. The tentative plan is to be in Switzerland to bungee jump for Molly's bday and our country's independence. Also Prague. And Absinthe.

Structural Update:
We've devised a rudimentary government among the three of us. Farkling decides bedding arrangments, 2/3 majority rules, and each member of the cabinet is allowed one veto per day, giving them complete power. There have already been military juntas, filibusters, and baby-dinosaur-esque temper tantrums.

until next time...
spiriTualize, aggrAndize, superSize

Hvar Hrvatska Croad to the Bone

ok ... The last blog had us arriving in the beautiful town of Split. But we've split tharr. We're in Hvar.

Sadly, the ferry that brought us to Croatia from Italy was docked in the Split harbor, and with it, came its signature Croad stench wafting over the otherwise beautiful seaside promenade. We've learned that the only way to neutralize the Croad stench is to saturate our clothes in cigarette smoke. It's the Croat way.

We brought along a camcorder with us, and we first attempted to do some hard-nosed video journalism during our night in Split. We approached a few random people and asked some questions about the effect of Toni Kucoc -- a Croatian basketball player who played for the Bulls -- on Croatian culture. We were met with nervous glances, shaking heads, and very incomprehensible English. The project was a terrible failure (though we've got some promising leads on the project from local islanders). Mickey consoled himself by purchasing a "Croat to the bone" tshirt and cutting off the sleeves.

Hvar is really beautiful and we've finally met a few fellow travelers. There are about ten people staying in our house here, including a maybe-up-and-probably-not-coming band from Sweden. We had a big Croatian barbeque here last night, and with no vegetarian options on the table, MOLLY ATE LITTLE CROATIAN SAUSAGES AND LOVED THEM. They were a true delight.

We went out with the hostel people to over-hyped club Carpe Diem and siezed the opportunity to finally take the drunk to the next level.

Mickey -- 90% squintage, 10% visibility
Molly -- started a revolution with the Swedes
Sean -- invited copious beard-stroking from partygoers

Today we began our new eating regimen -- The Jesus Diet --- of bread and water.

After an hour hike, we made it to a great crystal-clear beach that was also teeming with naked old ladies. One of them spent the entire day picking up trash on the beach, wearing absolutely nothing. The Croatian way.

Grown Ass Children

So we're all alone in Croatia...it was a sad goodbye to Belkis, Josh, and the girls, then a serious travel experience from Rome to Split. Throughout our maiden journey there was a general theme of incompetence and sourpuss Italian attitudes. We never got proper directions, patience with the language barrier, or organization. With a few amazing examples, people sort of sucked. Here's how our trip so far breaks down:
Airport in Rome to train station in Rome - everyone seemed to think we already knew everything there was to know about traveling in Italy. The train station was huuuggge and we got the runaround from multiple Roman Snakes. In the process of getting our train passes validated, the head Roman Snake only gave Mickey 15 travel days (instead of the two months he paid big moneys for). As he was explaining her snakehood to her, she made the exact same mistake on Molly's ticket.
Rome to Ancona - a fairly uneventful four-hour train ride, other than general discomfort. The seats were taken straight from Six Flags-Great America and Sean almost puked everywhere. The bathroom was a notch below port-a-potty, with a stench unmatched (until the ferry ride). We saw some cool countryside and some hoppin beaches, and feasted on tasties stolen from the nice hotel that morning (including Nutella, the food of the gods).
Ancona to Split - this is where things got interesting. We got the first class cabin, so we figured it would be more like a cruise than a ferry. We got off the bus at the right stop completely by chance, and relaxed before boarding. Once we got on, we realized we had been tossed into a labrynth from hell. Once we finally did find our room, we discovered the people had neglected to give us our key. Upon entry to our delux accomodations, we were instantly transported back to 1941. It was the most depressing, dark, fake-windowed room we had ever seen. The beds came complete with sleeping tubes, and the toilet got seasick, gurgling and throwing up the most putrid scent ever imagined (think dead porpoise mixed with amuzement park vomit mixed with Mickey's BO). We mingled a bit with the under-16 Croatian boys basketball team and enjoyed our flask of rum and lemoncello on the deck. Sean decided to take it to the next level by puking all over every inch of one of the public restrooms. We got up for a delux breakfast at 6 am (awoken by the sweet sound of someone viciously banging on our door and another toilet gurgle episode). We arrived in Split at around 7 am and wandered to our hostel to leave our bags. We were immediately scolded by the whorebitch innkeeper for not waiting long enough by the door. We are now wandering around the beautiful city of Split, not recognizing a word, catching faint hints of the haunting ferry toilet smell.
Today's plan is to hit the beach, catch some sleep, and start making our mark here. Tara Reid came here once, so it's probably going to get crazy at the cluuuuuuu

Stay tuned, this part of the trip is bound to be blog-worthy


Hypnotize Hampsterize Debowelize

Pose a tano

Today was a good day...
We chilled in the Villa for a moment then explored some new land.
We took a beautiful drive from Sorrento to Amalfi but we didnt see Colin Farell, to Molly's great disappointment. Mickey and Josh bared all and jumped in the water at one of the most chic beaches on the coast...
We then moved on to Positano, and it quickly became a crowd favorite, mostly because we all got drunk real quick. We looked for a pizza place (under very vague directions), but Mickey's Native American tracking skillz led us to the very place...and it was closed. We saw many stray dogs (beans), a few pickup soccer games, large sunglasses, and floppy hats. We dined on flame beer and calamari, found sea glass and sea elephants, then headed up to the restaurant for dinner.
Let us preface this by saying this restaurant was in a cave...in a CAVE. Best wine we've had all trip, the waiters all smelled delicious (according to Molly), fake birthday (compliments of Mickey), Sean dancing, and Agent Orange (special drink not on the menu). We all took it to a new level (except when Mickey danced with Molly, where we took it to the preceding level).
Lemoncello not so bad when you take it in shot form, although 2 out of 3 Muldoons still agree it tastest lika shit.
Belkis agrees Positano is her favorite place, Molly is falling in love with Italy and will marry the next man who smells good, Sean renewed his love for Rum and Cokes, and Mickey refined his microdancing skillz (in a CAVECLUD).
BREAKING NEWS: Mickey has an unsettling buildup of earwax, preventing him from hearing out of his right ear and also coming off like a complete geiser. He is trying trying out some new "medicine" with instructions in "Italian." Molly has vowed to learn Italian to better profess her love for men who smell good. Sean's "beard" looks "good."


ONGOING DISPUTES:
- Whether Peter and the Wolf is the same story as The Boy Who Cried Wolf
- What relation the offspring of your first cousin is to you (second cousin or first cousin once removed)

if you can help resolve any of these disagreements, please comment.
Also, please comment so we know someone is reading these...it's hard to type when you're drunk.


Tomorrow - Mas Positano



Snakize, Intoxicize, Supplize

Capri Pants

Hiya Everybody!

challenge update:We are beginning construction on a plan to make it to Gattusso's hometown...

Molly has chosen her challenge to be somehow partaking in the making of a wine while here.

editor's note:Let it be known that Molly is completely responsible for the ubiquitous "i" pluralization technique. Although Sean and Mickey disagree, it is the truth.

We had to skip the blog for yesterday due to a small battle. Today is a new day...

Yesterday, all our troubles sihmd so phar away, but that's because we wuhr in Capri.

Our day was so merry, we three.

We loaded on a fake hovercrapht,

To meet up with our Taxiist, Alex.

Our days at Sorrento, yet in the past,

wii needed a shiny noo chalice.

We said chalice just to maik you all laugh!
We drove around with little to du,

Then we went swimming in the grotto, true blue.

Alex, our new friend, showed us all we ever dreamed,

including our way to a hidden La Perla store.

then we saw Mt. Vesuvius, a chair lift view,

Then we had a flaim lunch, are waiter wuz a Sri Lankan foo,

That same foo wore a Nike eering too.

Our tour 'round the island took all our breaths away,

In 79 AD Emporer Tiberius came there to staye,

On the way home, Sean almost dropped the kids off in his pantz,

But we made it, just in time for a delishus, Rosario-made feasst,

Today, Nora and Claire made home for disabeled antz.

(Actually, the just poured some water in a bottle cap, threw in some daisies and twigs, and shoved some near-dead ants up in there.)

(Actually, the more weird thing was the blueprints for a house for their pistachio shells.)

We spent all day not far from the pool,

Mick forgot his Stunna Shades, so he wasn't verrie cool.

We had a real good dinner, so good you could drool,

We ended the night with leftovers and gross stories,

Like a punch too hard in the bathroom of Club Med.

Tomorrow to great new places we'll go,

It's the home of the first pizza, Positano.

So goodnight to all, and to all a good night,

Th eise r dah i yest tist ovtims. (sayitfast, thenyou'llknow)

Rhapsodize, Caramelize, Specialize

sorrento memento momento ... polenta

which one doesn't fit? which one is a corn-based vegan treat?

first of all, we're going to use this blog to declare our challenges and missions for the trip and keep our fans updated about their progress.

Challenge 1: Find Gennaro "The Snarling Dog" Gattuso's home in Corigliano Calabro, in southern Italy. meet his mother and get her signature on Gattuso memorabilia. (molly would like to add that she has absolutely no interest in this challenge)

more challenges in future posts ...

all the children woke up today past 2pm. oh no, molly "came up" at 1:30. mickey was bothered by mesquiti (pronounced, mes-KWEET-i in italian) in the night and had to rock the Stunner Shades to intimidate them and force them to leave. stunner shade pictures forthcoming.

molly is reading the greatest book in the world -- The Illusion of Conscious Will by Daniel Wegner -- and Mickey and and molly had a lengthy yardebate about science, free will, and human nature. molly agrees to disagree that she lost the debate.

first venture to downtown Sorrento -- or should we say, Sorrent-ho. Or should we say, Poorent-ho. no, actually because it wasn't poor. But ... Sorrent-man-ho. there were way too many greasy Luigii in town, mostly under the age of 13.

parking has been a major challenge, since we're rolling in a 9-seater Mercedes van and the streets are designed mostly for snakes and scooters (and snakes on a muthafuckin' scooter). really narrow. so ... finding a spot in sorrento was a 20-minute ordeal culminating in a heroic 9-point turn by Josh at the wheel.

mickey put on his Stunna Shades to roll through town (pictures of Stunna Shades forthcoming, Stunna Shades will always be capitalized unlike words like god and jesus)

Stunna Shades will always live in their own paragraphs. unlike complete thoughts.

mickey's first purchase in the town of sorrento was a 9-Euro Large Lager. Here is mickey taking his first sip:

and 1000 beer-calories (notice the freshly sprouted double-chin) later:

enter slur-rento. actually, we've all been sipping on multiple syrups and many bottles of wine but nobody's gotten drunk yet :-( maybe absynthe and some dehydration will do the trick.

we strolled to the port (where we're leaving to Capri on a HOVERCRAFT tomorrow) and then took 4th nap and had a photo shoot.

then we ate late dinner and successfully un-parked and amazingly made it home with no problem, and nobody was drunk yet!

sean went out in the street wearing his coal miner headlamp to call ol' girl ... but little did he know, it's actually illegal to roam the streets looking like a cat burglar








(not to be confused with trash cat (= brown blob next to pole))




... so, the cops rolled up on him and parked the police car and interrogated him in rapid fire italian. luckily, sean recognized a "dormir" in the italian and pointed to our villa and to his phone and avoided getting stuffed in the trunk. nice!

it was good day, maybe the best of days ... maybe

Fraternize.
Modernize.
Incrimin ... ize.

When in Rome

Here's how it all began...
We rushed to the airport in Chicago only to find our plane delayed by two hours...awesome. Then we rush through the New York airport only to have our flight again delayed...cool. We were all split up on the plane, but we enjoyed the finer aspects of international travel such as Nora vomiting, some random guy blocking the bathroom with his passed out self, slow ass video games, and the wonders of airline gourmet meals. But that is neither here nor there because we're here! And we're here by no small miracle, for Josh was involved in a minor verbal altercation at the Rome airport (no charges have been pressed yet).
We immediately dropped off our bags and rushed to the nearest restaurant for loads of pasta and house wine. Then we napped. From our peaceful slumber we moved on to a two hour double-decker bus tour of roma. The weather was perfect and the sights were breathtaking. Then we napped. After reluctantly rousing from our quaint LITTLE rooms, we took a nice evening stroll and found a cute outdoor restaurant. We were serenaded by the Godfather theme music and the sounds of Mickey and Sean disagreeing repeatedly. Stuffed and tired, most of us made our way back to the old Hotel Oxford. Mickey and Belkis decided to take another turn about town (get their stroll on) and that is where we leave you.
Tomorrow we make the three hour drive to Sorento to begin some serious relaxation.
We love and miss you all!

Realize, Visualize, and then you can Stabilize...

Molly, Mickey, Sean

The Beginning

This will be the most stimulating and scintillating web log of all time. Of all high times. Of all low times. Come read and take in the summer stories. Please comment liberally.